Heartache Thru My Eyes

" Lately I suspect that I cause myself a lot of useless stress and sorrow, but I don't see how I'm doing it. Our lives are meant to be bright, noble, and ever ascending. This promise of our True Potential is made Good in us by the fulfillment of our Possibilities, and not through the interminable struggle of trying to do what is impossible. Most of our sorrows are the offspring of trying to be something we have no Real need to be, in trying to do what cannot, and need not, be doing. We unknowingly hurt ourselves. First, whenever we are goaded into attempting the impossible, we not only suffer defeat but we also strengthen the self that would have us believe it's possible to put out a fire with gasoline. Second, as we see the fact of these false workings in our mind and heart the only possible solution is to end our participation with their foolish guidance. In other words, our needless heartaches end as we see that the healing we hope for begins with letting go of our unseen relationship with those parts of ourselves responsible for our self-hurting. Look at the small places in our psychic lives where we are trying to do the impossible and where, as a result of our misunderstanding, we are still sowing and reaping the harvest of frustration and heartache.

It is impossible to see where you have made a mistakes, when your swimming in your own self-pity !!

It is impossible: To be carried to a secure and peaceful harbor, in your mind on a ship crafted by anxiety or fearful feelings.

It is impossible: To gain real happiness at the expense of the pain of someone else, or thinking they caused all your pain and you had nothing to do with it.

It is impossible :To raise your self-esteem yourself by pushing another person lower, in order to make you look better.

It is impossible : To let someone take advantage of you without living in secret fear of them, because you allowed them into your part life.

It is impossible: To realize Life as long as we remain filled with our own self-pity, and blame others for putting us there.

It is impossible: To rise above any fear or worry we have found to be buried somewhere in our own unsuspected misunderstanding thinking if we don't learn to reach down inside of us and pull it up and look at it, in therapy to learn how to throw it away and move on with out that pain.

It is impossible: To receive forgiveness in life from that someone, without having learned what it means to freely forgive the person who you feel cause you to feel pain and sadness..

It is impossible: To wish another person any kind of ill for any reason, and not be made to feel sick with in ourselves. Because we spent so much energy trying to hurt someone else we end up paying for in hurt and bitterness.

It is impossible: To hate what conditions in life we are giving by life it's self, Then wonder angrily at the same time why we can't learn from what happened."

RELATIONSHIPS Is it Time to Break Up? 10 Questions to Ask Yourself

" How do you know when it's time to move on? When should you try to trust again and when you should just cut your losses, call it a day, and get out of the relationship. While there are many situations where trust can be successfully rebuilt and relationships salvaged, there are other circumstances where romantic reparations should not be attempted. Recognizing an unhealthy relationship is not always easy when you are in the midst of it. Many people are 'blinded' to the unpleasant reality and are unable to--or are afraid to--admit that they are in a dead-end situation. Here are ten questions to ask yourself that may aid in determining whether your relationship is worth saving. This is not an exhaustive list, but if you can answer yes to one or more of the following questions, it may be time to move on:

1. Does your mate disrespect you? Does he or she make you feel bad about yourself? Do you feel emotionally drained on a regular basis? A positive relationship should not leave you feeling exhausted and depleted. If your mate feels the need to constantly put you down or embarrass you in front of others for no apparent reason, then he or she is probably insecure. Your mate may think that he or she is not good enough for you and insulting you is a method of trying to bring you down to his or her level. There is no excuse for someone intentionally belittling the person they claim to love. Mental abuse is just as damaging as physical abuse. If you have tried to bring this up with your mate and the only response you get is more insults; it's time to find someone who will build you up instead of tear you down.

2. Is your mate controlling or excessively jealous? Does your mate want to know your every waking move? Does he or she get jealous or angry over innocent situations? There are many reasons why your mate may feel the need to exert control over you. Here are the three most common scenarios: your mate sees you as an object or a possession rather than an equal, your mate is insecure due to betrayals in previous relationships, or your mate is being deceptive and is attempting to cover it up or make up for the guilt by accusing you of wrong-doing. This type of behavior can also be a characteristic of your mate's personality. This is the worst situation, because there is virtually no hope for rectifying the situation if this is the case. If you have not given your mate any reason to doubt your word, and he or she is still unable to trust anything you say or do, attempt to uncover your mate's rationale for behaving in this manner. If your mate does not realize how possessive he or she has been acting, give your mate a chance to change.

3. Is your mate physically abusive? This one is pretty straight-forward: if you get hit, it's time to quit. I know that it's not always easy to leave an abusive partner, but you have to find a way to get out. It's not only detrimental to a successful relationship; it's dangerous to your well-being. If you need help, but don't know where to turn, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233) or visit their website at ndvh.org.

4. Is your mate completely different from the person you fell in love with? Do you often wonder, "What the heck happened to that sweet, caring person I first met?" Everyone will, and should, change to a certain extent over the course of a long-term relationship. But there are some people who put on a facade in the early stages of dating to woo potential partners and then after they get comfortable in a relationship, their true colors come out. Maybe that attentive person you knew and loved doesn't listen to a word you say anymore. If your mate has made a 180-degree turnaround, drop the chameleon and get with someone who is real right from the start.

5. Do you and your mate have completely different life goals? While it's true that opposites attract, what initially turned you on to someone may be what eventually turns you off. You may come to realize that your beliefs, attitudes, interests, or values simply do not mesh.

6. Does your mate fear commitment? Have you been with your mate for years and yet the slightest mention of furthering the relationship makes him or her go into panic mode? I know many women say all guys have a commitment phobia, but I know some women who are also afraid to take the next step. Sometimes, it's just a matter of timing and then there are relationships where all the time in the world won't change a thing. I'm sorry, but if your mate doesn't know if he or she wants to commit to you after 1-years of being in a relationship, then he or she probably isn't your soul mate, and they really don't want to marry you or care if you stay or go. As long as they don't have to tie the knot to keep you. If you are in a situation like this, stop wasting your time and find someone who wants the kind of relationship you are seeking.

7. Is there a complete loss of interest or attraction? Are you bored with your mate? Do you think of your mate more as an old friend than a lover? If you look at your mate and not even so much as a spark of a spark flies, the fire in your relationship may have died. There are ways to re-ignite the flame. Try to add romance back into your relationship. If you have tried everything and you still can't spice up your relationship, it is probably best to end it on a positive note so that you can remain friends.

8. Does your mate have a track record of cheating? Has your mate broken your trust over and over again? Does your mate cheat, apologize, get back on your good side, and then stray again? This trust can only be rebuilt if the person who committed the betrayal is truly remorseful for their actions and the pain it caused. He or she must be ready to make a change and not make the same mistake again. Don't become a doormat for your mate to walk all over. Some people cannot, or should I say will not, ever be faithful. Do not keep believing empty promises. If you have forgiven your mate before and transgressions continue to occur; move on to someone who can be committed.

9. Are you in a long-distance relationship with no end in sight? Long-distance love is hard enough, but if neither one of you ever plans on re-locating to be with the other, it may be time to sever your ties. A romantic relationship needs physical interaction to thrive over time. And this can be done if you are faithful ONLY!! To this person and make a point to at least make daily contact with them somehow threw the email system or a phone call and when you are not together, also if you live more them 2-hours away from each other going one way you should try and work out a system to where you both take turns going to see the other. Spend some face to face time with each other at least no less then 2-!! Times a month. Their can be long-distance success for increments of time for everyone, If your planning on marrying this person and your just waiting for that happy day to move all you box's under one roof , that's fine to wait to live together if you both understand this is why your not living in the same town or house with them. But if you really care about this person, and want to keep them them from moving onto to someone else. DO!! NOT!! String them along as to when you both may become Husband & Wife, forever is a long time set a time line at least 1- year and not more from the time you both agree you would like to marry the other. So unless one of you plans on making the move sometime in the near future, it may be best to let that other person go to find someone that wants the same as them, and the person that has a problem with commitment to another person needs to stay out of the dating scene and talk with a therapist about why they can't commit to another person, and find out why they are always looking for something better or afraid to let someone love them. Or this person will keep repeating this same loop over and over again hurting every person they date, and that is a form of ABUSE!!

10. Love...What's that? Make a list of the reasons you want to stay in the relationship. If that list is void of the word love, you are selling yourself short. Maybe all of your friends and family love your mate and you feel pressured to stay in the relationship even though you really want out. Don't stay with your mate for the sake of anyone else--not your parents, not your friends, and not even your kids. This is the only life you get; don't waste it with someone you don't love, or you know don't love you.

I believe in preserving the family and trying your best to make a marriage work, but I also feel that people have a right to happiness. When marriage and children are involved, things are not always as cut and dried. But physical or mental abuse and excessive cheating are very good reasons to consider divorce. If you are thinking about ending your marriage, I strongly advise consulting a mental health professional before making a final decision.
If you are not married and you answered yes to one or more of the above questions, most likely it is time to move on. But, before you make any hasty decisions, make sure that you carefully consider if you have given your relationship a fair chance, if you feel you have and its making you lose who you feel you want to be or are. Then it's time to let go even if you are hurting over letting go. "

Granny defends her right to do pot

"A 66-year-old British woman who admits to helping a group
of seniors cook marijuana into food for medicinal purposes
has been charged with trafficking. Patricia Tabram told The
Telegraph she turned to the drug in an attempt to offset
the effects of tinnitus, mild depression and pains after a
car crash. She began using it in soups, cakes and stews
and introduced others to the secret ingredient. Acting on
a tip, police raided her home and seized about $1,500 worth
of the plant. She told police she had clubbed together with
a group of elderly people to obtain cannabis for various
medicinal reasons. She also told the newspaper she was
writing a book entitled "Grandma Eats Cannabis," featuring
recipes for cannabis chocolate cake, lemon and lime
cheesecake and chicken and leek pie. Tabram will appear
in court again on possession and intent to supply
charges and reports from a probation officer and
psychologist will be presented."

Who Said Getting Old wasn't Great!!

" At 85 years of age, Morris marries LouAnne, a lovely 25-year-old. Because her new husband is so old, LouAnne decides that on their wedding night, she and Morris are to have separate bedrooms. The newlywed is concerned that her new husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night together.
After the wedding festivities, LouAnne prepares herself for bed, and for the expected "knock" on the door. Sure enough, the knock comes, the door opens, and there is her 85-year-old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, whereupon Morris takes leave of LouAnne, and she prepares to go to sleep.
After a few minutes, LouAnne hears another knock on her bedroom door. It's Morris! And he's again ready for more action! Somewhat surprised, LouAnne consents to further coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Morris kisses LouAnne, bids her a fond good night, and leaves.
LouAnne is set to go to sleep again. However, after a few short minutes, there is another knock at her door, and there he is again. Morris, as fresh as a 25-year-old and ready for a bit more action. And again they enjoy one another.
As Morris is once again set to leave, the young bride says to him, "I am thoroughly impressed that at your age, honey, I've been with guys less than a third your age who were only good once! You're a great lover, Morris."
Morris, somewhat embarrassed, turns to LouAnne and says, "You mean I was here already????""

FREEDOM ISN'T FREE

:" This was sent to me in an e-mail in reply to a post:(Let's find a president that can do this) I thought I should share it. Instead of leaving it in a comment box. IS.. The thoughts & ramblings of a fellow reader..I thank her for thinking about what I posted..Read below:


There is some truth to this coffee talk, (If you can read this thank a teacher if you can read this in English thank a soldier!!) EXACTLY although some may feel angry because this war still continues and some may feel different. The TRUTH AND FACT we seem to forget........

We are AMERICANS !!!!!! FREE be thankful you can have your opinion, go to school, have support (welfare), have as many children you want. Practice your religion you choose. Some may not agree but for now what is the right thing to do as a AMERICAN?


SUPPORT OUR TROUPES!! Be thankful you can sit with a loved one, grab a burger with a friend. America is made up of free Americans over the age of eighteen we have a voice we the people can make things happen. To blame one person for the war one person for Americas homeless and hunger you might as well blame yourself, have you donated one can of freshly dated soup every other month to a person in need? Have you offered a job even if it is sweeping your side walk for a couple of dollars? Do the math! A small city population of 2000 and 1/2 gave to $2.35 every other month that would be $2350.00 times that buy six that is $14100.00 a year, WOW what a difference. Some people give half or as much in tithing. If we as Americans know hungry and homeless is a problem then why is it so hard to do something about it ourselves. If we were told to do it and it was mandated people would bi%% and complain, but you don't see this kind of giving because Americans myself included don't realize how easy we have it. It is easier to blame some one else than to stand up and make a difference GIVE. Did you know there is some parents who teach their children to give 20% of their allowances to a religion after the age of eight? So why if there is eight year olds and adults giving to a religion? I thought Jesus gave us all 150% ......


what do you think!!!!! LATE AND DEEP!! "

And You Thought You Had It Bad!

"A family took their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and left her, hoping she would be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathed her, fed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.

She seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rushed up to catch her and straighten her up.

Again she seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt over to her other side. The nurses rushed back and once more brought her back upright. This went on all morning.

Later, the family arrived to see how the old woman was adjusting to her new home. "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?"

"It's pretty nice," she replied. "Except they won't let me fart!""

Walk Away

LetsSingIt. :"Well I' just came out of a 4-year courtship, which I thought I would marry this person in a couple of months. But Hell is where we went !! So I'm drifting from pissed off at men in the world and crying in my beer...Yes I've found beer don't taste to bad...Well people till I work out my angry things may get a bit crazy here, anyone got any good advice on getting over and moving on?

You've got your mother and your sister & every other, undercover, telling you what to say. You think I'm stupid...

But the truth is, that it's Cupid, baby...

Loving you has made me this way. So before you point your finger...

Get your hands off of my trigger, oh yeah..

You need to know this situations getting old. And now the more you talk, the less I can take I'm looking for attention, Not another question. Should you stay or should you go? Well, if you don't have the answer ..

Why you still standing here.. Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Just walk away I waited here for you like a kid waiting after school..

So tell me, how come you never showed! I gave you everything and never asked for much of anything... And look at me, I'm all alone...

So before you start defending, baby!! Stop all your pretending I know you know I know...

So what's the point in being slow Let's get this show on the road today, hey I'm looking for attention Not another question...

Should you stay or should you go...

Well, if you don't have the answer...

Why you still standing here Hey, hey, hey, hey..

Just walk away. I want a love, I want a fire..

To feel the burn, my desires I want a man by my side....

Not a boy who runs and hides...

Are you gonna fight for me...

Die for me? Live and breathe for me?...

Do you care for me?...

Cause if you don't then just leave, I'm looking for attention. Not another question !!.....

Should you stay or should you go...

Well, if you don't have the answer...

Why you still standing here ...

Hey, hey, hey, hey...Just walk away....

If you don't have the answer...Just walk away...Just leaveWalk away, walk away "

Hormones

"Would you believe this was sent to me by who is now my x-lover, guess he did have a sense of humor...Think it says how I'm feeling these days"

"The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his very life into his own hands!

This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or Significant other!!

DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: What did I do wrong?
SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some more chocolate.

13 Things PMS Stands For:

1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweat pants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff.......And my favorite one...
13. Potential Murder Suspect !

Or men who need a warning! And remember: Money talks...but chocolate sings....Something to giggle about... My husband, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods. When I'm in a good mood, it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time...He'll buy me diamonds. Here, have some chocolate."

Just When We Think We Know Them

" A retired engineer decided to take a vacation. He booked himself ona Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life... until the boat sank! He found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts. After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day, when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore. In disbelief, he asks her, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?" She replies, "I rowed from the other side of the island. I landed here when my cruise ship sank." "Amazing," he says. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you." "Oh, this?" replies the woman. "I made the boat out of raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm branch and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree." "But, where did you get the tools?""Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman. "On the south side of the island, a very un-usual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forge-able, ductile iron. I used that ! for tools and used the tools to make the hardware." The guy is stunned. "Let's row over to my place," she says. After a few hours of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks to shore,he nearly falls out off the boat. Before him is a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much, but I call it home sit down, please. Would you like a drink?" "No. No, thank-you," he says, still dazed. "Can't take any more coconut juice." "It's not coconut juice," the woman replies. "I have a still. How about a Pina-Colada?" Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable.Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the bathroom cabinet." No longer questioning anything, the man goes into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet, is a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism. "This woman is amazing,"he muses. "What next?" When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines and flowers strategically positioned, and smelling of gardenias. She beckons for him to sit down next to her! . "Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've been out here for a really...long time. You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for all these months? "She stares into his eyes and takes his hand in hers... He can't believe what he's hearing. He swallows excitedly, tears start to form in his eyes, and says, "You mean... I can check my e-mail from here?"

Let's find a president that can do this

"WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR
ANY U.S. PRESIDENT (DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN) GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?

My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed. Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete. This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now to begin the reckoning. Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the countries listed there. The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening. Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hellholes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption. Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France. In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth. Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China. I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world.

A special note to our neighbors… Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change. Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put ‘em? Yep, border security. Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty - starting now.

We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we'll be drilling for oil in Alaska - which will take care of this country's oil needs for decades to come. If you're an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there. They care. It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, "darn tootin."

Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America. To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thank you guys. We owe you and we won't forget.

To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to speak Arabic.

God bless America. Thank you and good night.


If you can read this, thank a teacher.

If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier.

A good friend from Quincy Washington sent this to me, thought I would share it with others"

Relationships

"Well, I have figured out something, mates are strange bed fellows. Never wanting what they have and always wanting more then what they have. We search and court each other because we don't want to be alone, then when we finally find a mate that we think we must have, we do the courting dance to get them to want us as much as we want them, only to find out they were never for the taking or one of us don't want the other. This really hurts and causes everyone a lot of pain and mistrust, and we then ask our selves where did we go wrong...Again?

And is their such a thing as a perfect-mate for us? Or do we all forget to look outside of ourselves, and try to learn to be happy with what we have for the moment, because it may be gone just as fast. And ask ourselves this, if this person was to die tomorrow and suddenly be gone for ever, would we of wished we would of spent that time we could of had with them even if it wasn't that great all the time. Then to of never given the feelings we had a chance to grow, because we were always looking for something better. Now...What we did have is gone with this person for...Ever!! Because we as humans always want more then what we had, and now have lost the one person forever who made us feel like we had something to live each day for....Thoughts by Me"

My Dream Mother's Day Wish

"IF MEN GOT PREGNANT...Maternity leave would last two years....with full pay. There would be a cure for stretch marks. Natural childbirth would become obsolete. Morning sickness would rank as the nation's #1 healthproblem. All methods of birth control would be 100% effective. Children would be kept in the hospital until toilet trained. Men would be eager to talk about commitment. They wouldn't think twins were so cute. Sons would have to be home from dates by 10:00 PM. Breifcases would be used as diaper bags. Paternity suits would be a fashion line of clothes. They'd stay in bed during the entire pregnancy. Restaurants would include ice cream and pickles as main entree's. Women would rule the world."

Love-Making Tips For Us Over 40 !!

"1. Put on your glasses. Double check that your partner is actually in bed with you.

2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.

3. Set the mood with lighting. Turn them ALL OFF!

4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.

5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.

6. Keep extra polygrip close by so your teeth don't end up under the bed.

7. Have Tylenol, Asprin, Nitroglycerin and Oxygen ready just in case you actually! complete the act.

8. Make all the noise you want. The neighbours are deaf too.

9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news.

10. Don't even think about trying it twice.

(Notice I posted it in large type so you can read it)"

Going to The Welfare Office

" A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi...You know, I just HATE drawing welfare.I'd really rather have a job." The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You'll be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the garage.The starting salary is $200,000 a year."

The guy, wide-eyed, says, "You're bullshittin' me!"

The social worker says, "Yeah I am, but you started it.

Hope you have a good week-end!"

Bear & God

A priest, - a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop. One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it. Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the experience.:

Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages, goes first. "Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation.:

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, “WELL brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quick DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus.:

They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in bad shape. The rabbi looks up and says, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start."

Six FriendsWe Must Have

"Friends are like shoes they can bring you profound joy. Friendship experts agree: Just as your favorite old sneakers aren't perfect for every occasion, neither is every friend. It's crucial to have a colorful assortment of friends from comfy to professional to match the varied parts of your life. Why else are multiple friendships so important? As adults, when our lives and needs and interests become more complex, we need a diverse group of friends who cover all of our dimensions. Seeing different friendships for what they are can preserve and prolong them

So what are the five types of friends that will round out your social wardrobe?

The Work Friend. This relationship is so important having an office pal, boosts productivity, makes the day go faster, and work more fun. You can bitch about your boss, fantasize about changes you'd make if we overthrew them, share dirt on who's good to work with and who's not. And we laugh still. Just be on guard: If only one of you gets that promotion, things could get uncomfortable. Try to discuss it in advance if you can.

The Friend in Your Kid's Class. You absolutely need someone to help you check out whether the teacher is really that unfair, co-mom's keep you informed, but also less isolated. Also someone to hang out with, at the science fair."

The Friend Who's Known You Forever. This friendship is priceless, there the one friend you can call to giggle about the past. She keeps your memories alive by sharing them with you.

The Hobby Buddy. You summon this friend when you want to catch a movie or concert, if you want to enroll in a history class or take a horseback ride. It's very motivating to know a friend with a passion to start with. You speak the same vocabulary. And you also have this common need to share your interest.

The Straight-Talking Friend. You know when you're clear that you need to break up with someone...but just can't quite bite the bullet? Talk to this friend. We all need someone who's honest, gets to the heart of the problem, and doesn't sugar-coat. She also won't tell you the swimsuit looks good when it doesn't, or that it's okay with her that you haven't called.

The Feel-Good Friend. We all need a cheerleader! She never belittles, or tries to make things about her, or says one of those dopey things like, You'll get over it, what you need is a fill-in-the-blank! She really knows how much better people feel when someone just listens. And the feel-good friend isn't there for you only when you feel bad. It's essential to have a friend who can be truly happy for you when good things happen, too.

Relationship TLC

Now that you know which friendships are essential, how do you to find and/or nurture the ones you need? Making friends isn't as easy, along with our lives, are less stable than they used to be, and it can feel awkward to try to make new ones. Three key steps to making new friends and maintaining the relationships.

1. Create a strategy. You can't make friends just by being friendly. Check-out social networking sites like Friendster.com and MeetUp.com. If finding the time seems difficult, carve out one lunch or evening every three weeks as Catch Up. Whatever seems do-able is better than nothing at all.

2. Be proactive. You don't have to announce I'd like to be your friend, but you do need repeat exposure. Pour a little social cement by seeking out certain people more than once extend casual invitations when you can.

3. Sort your supply. Prioritize your friendships You don't have to officially break up with any friends you don't feel the need to see constantly, just make sure they're not siphoning too much time away from all the newer, or deeper, friendships that are worth the extra effort to nurture.

So take a friend-inventory today and see what type of friend might be great to add, which friend you could see a bit less of, and who you're dying to catch up with right now. Don't let a busy schedule get in your way. In the end, it's friendship itself that lightens your load and brightens your day."

Teenager Does Homework, Mom Smokes Pot With Him

Yahoo! News :" HANOVER, Pa. - A 13-year-old boy told police his mother required him to do his homework first thing when he got off the school bus, then smoked marijuana with him as a reward.

The mother said she had been smoking marijuana with her son since he was 11, usually as a reward, according to court documents.
The police interview came after officers executed a search warrant at the woman's home last weekend and seized marijuana, an array of drug paraphernalia and $600 in cash that she said belonged to a drug dealer, court documents said.
Amanda Lynn Livelsberger, 30, faces charges of marijuana possession, corruption of minors, endangering the welfare of children and possession with intent to distribute drug paraphernalia, police said.

Now this is one stupid mother!! In my eyes, come-on...She in one hand makes her son do his homework, so he can do something with his life and be somebody with a good job. But then she rewards him by frying his brain with a drug that will only kill those brain cells she is making him use, to learn. She has some real problems. I have known people in my past who smoked pot with their teenagers and I was angry when I even heard of it. Least to say we never stayed friends, I do not approve of any drug that endangers the body."

Not a worm at bottom of the rum barrel

Yahoo! News :" Budapest - Hungarian builders who drank their way to the bottom of a huge barrel of rum while renovating a house got a nasty surprise when a pickled corpse tumbled out of the empty barrel.

Workers in Szeged in the south of Hungary tried to move the barrel after they had drained it, only to find it was surprisingly heavy and were shocked when the body of a naked man fell out.

The body of the man had been shipped back from Jamaica 20 years ago by his wife in the barrel of rum in order to avoid the cost and paperwork of an official return.

According to workers said the rum in the 300-liter barrel had a "special taste" so they even decanted a few bottles of the liquor to take home.

The wife has since died and the man was buried in a proper grave."

Vibrator- Why They were invented

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Bathroom Test

" I was going thru my old file folder of things I have held on to over time and found this, read it again and it made me laugh. Now...I ask all of you who are reading this...Which one would you say a normal person would use?

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criteria is that defines whether a patient should be institutionalized or not. "Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub with water, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask the patient to empty the water out of the tub."

Okay, here's your test:

1. Would you use the spoon?

2. Would you use the teacup?

3. Would you use the bucket?

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would choose the
bucket since it is larger than the teacup or spoon."